Wait, what’s that? I’m receiving psychic transmissions. They’re indistinct but they’re definitely there, radiating from a generalised point in the room. Hang on, they’re coming in stronger now. Yes, yes, I can feel it. They’re coming from the carpet. There’s a spirit in the carpet. It’s telling us that its home needs a clean. What’s that? You need carpet cleaning? I understand your otherworldly wish. You never had clean carpets during your living memory, and now you’ve returned to our earthly plane to fulfill unfinished business.
The psychic signals are shifting now, they’re moving out of this room and towards the bathroom. It’s another spirit. This one is fainter in signal, it lived a long time ago. It’s been dwelling here for some time. Yes, I can feel it’s presence here. This has been its home for quite some time. It is trying to tell me something. It’s talking about the dirt in the bathroom. It’s saying that it wants tile and grout cleaning in Melbourne. Yes, I understand your distress. Dirty tiles and grout can cause build ups of dirt and grime, and can be visually distasteful. It’s time we got the bathroom cleaned by professional cleaners.
All of these psychic messages coming from my home. This location is increasingly becoming a vortex for spirits, it’s attracting them like a magnetic field. I’m hoping that as I progressively appease the wishes of each spirit, they can then make their final transition on to the next life where they might find peace. I’m doing a great service to the spiritual world, they should be thanking me.
In fact, I’m thinking about calling in more psychics for reinforcements. There are so many signals passing through here, it takes time and energy on the part of the mystic to interpret them, and I’m slowly discovering this is not just a one-man job.