Psychic Repairs

“Ah, yes, I can see great things in your future. You are destined to become extremely rich and keep up with all the latest trends at the same time, even when those things directly contradict each other.”

I opened my eyes and smiled at the image of myself in the mirror. Yes, one day I would work out how to have it all. Wealth, power, minimalism, actual ideals. For now, I had a client to deal with. He was a rich man, dressed in the finest clothes one can buy. My ideal customer.

“Now, tell me what you were doing before this, then I will tell you your future.”

The man told me about how he had just been to a mechanic close to Ringwood because his car was broken. While waiting, he saw my billboard for expert psychic readings and decided to check it out. Although he was at first surprised by my steep price of $10,000, he realised it must have been because my services were that good.

“That wasn’t the psychic reading?” he asked.

“Not in the slightest,” I said with a shrill laugh. I pushed a cup of tea in front of him. “Drink this, but don’t touch the leaves. Where they fall shall determine your fate.” After it was done, I considered the reading carefully. “You must stay away from vehicle inspections in the Ringwood area. One of them will prove to be the end of your life. Be careful.”

“Is that it?” he asked. “I paid $10,000 for that? I want my money back.”

“Sorry, no refunds. It says so on the billboard.”

I’m happy to say I’ve left another customer completely satisfied. And I’m one step closer to riches I’ve only dreamed of. If you’re in the need of a psychic reading, just give me a call and we can arrange something!