Smooth and Hairless

It’s true, I spend a lot of time wondering what sort of hair I had back when I was alive, before I became a spooky skeleton. Being a spooky skeleton is great, don’t get me wrong, and I’m happy to embrace it as part of my destiny. But still, imagine me with a human face, human tresses flapping in the wind, all golden and romantic and such. I would’ve been quite the looker, unless I was bald, in which case I was probably still a looker but just without the flapping tresses. 

And then we had to go and study hairdressing in class, because that’s something that humans enjoy. My assignment is to find a hair salon open near South Melbourne and ask about hair colouring, without it seeming suspicious. So unfair, because you’ve got Glurt over there with his fantastic caveman mane, and Araxion with his ancient human-like hair, and the wizards can always just ask about beard colouring. Then you’ve got me: no hair, going in and asking about hair colouring. My disguise is quite good, if I do say so myself, but I still think I’m going to get looks if I go in asking how much it would be to get rainbow streaks.

As a result, it’s looking like I’ll need to put in a request to the teacher that I be given an alternate assignment, maybe something that better suits my human guise. Perhaps they do scalp massages at hairdressers? Seems like the type of things they might do. Of course, I couldn’t get a real massage because as soon as they touched my spooky skeleton scalp, they would be spooked. I would find that terribly funny, but… you know.

Okay, I’m going to save that for later. Not for class, though, because Teacher gets oh so antsy when we’re not secretive about our true nature. That’s kind of my entire thing, not being particularly secretive (my true nature is ‘in-your-face spookiness’), but I’ll respect the sanctity of Human Class assignments and spare all of the affordable Aveda hairdressers the trauma.

I mean, they’re dealing with scissors and other sharp objects. If they’re spooked, it could cause serious injury.

-R.B. McSkulliam