Oriium

My dearest friends, my greatest enemies and those seeking refunds for my newest book: The Secret to Unlocking True Meditation. I thought from the hints dropped on this very blog you were aware that you were purchasing a 500-page book of blank pages. That, my children, is the key to perfect, true and good meditation. Clearing your mind! Hold onto the book, do not seek a refund, and you will see that it acts as a good reminder.

I had a pertinent question from one of my devoted followers this week, on the subject of meditation while at work. That is, in the physical act of work. It is not something I usually recommend due to the difficulty in clearing your mind, but this fellow has completed my twelve-step meditation programme and has even unlocked a fourth eye, so I thought we would attempt such a thing together. The problem? Mobile aluminium scaffolding.

Yes, this man’s job means that he is often in elevated areas, balancing on planks and trestles, working in high altitudes. Sometimes these altitudes are only one floor up, and others have him on the edge of skyscrapers. Thus you see the challenge that has been laid out. Meditation requires a balanced soul and great calm, so to undertake it in a place when one’s physical self is balancing, and in public where great calm cannot be achieved…well, it would be quite something to see. Our lessons have begun, and to simulate, I have my very own set of planks and trestles set up in my meditation room. I am considering writing a book on this most interesting of experiences; should it be achieved, it would be a triumph for student and teacher!

However, I would advise all my readers this: should you find yourself working atop an aluminium platform, stay focused on the task at hand. The difficulty of meditating in such an environment cannot be underestimated. Why not purchase my newest self-help tome, Meditating in Such an Environment: Don’t Even Try It!

-Orium