As many of my dear readers will know, I’ve spent the last three months intensely channelling through my patented method of spiritualism which I’m calling the Orrium Working. The working have been an overwhelming success. So much so that I’ve had spirits staying well past their welcome. When you conjure a spirit into our dimension, what you’re basically doing is tuning our worlds so they’re closer together, kind of like tuning a guitar string so that it matches the note of your tuning fork – the two frequencies, different at first, get pulled into the same pattern so that they match or overlap. Most mystics never get a perfect match, but they don’t get as close as I did either. It’s taken me year of training and thousands of dollar in private tuition to get to his level. You have to be careful when dealing with the spirit world; things can go very wrong quickly.
It got so bad that I actually had to call the bathroom designers near Melbourne. What happened was the spirits were so close to my dimension that they practically got stuck here. They simply wouldn’t leave. So after each ritual, I wouldn’t be able to banish the spirit, and I’d simply have to move into another room for my next working. I ended up with a series of progressively haunted rooms in my house. Last of which was the bathroom, but the spirits in there were a bit too intense for my skill level.
This spirit who took over my bathroom was a crotchety old thing, I could tell. He didn’t like it when the shower water was too hot or if I’d wiped the fogged up mirrors with my palm, and would kick up a huge fuss by making the pipes creak something awful. The only way I could get rid of him was with brand new bathroom renovations. Melbourne contractors did an excellent job of exorcising my spirit, let me tell you. I don’t know what they did to the plumbing but that noxious little pest was gone for good.