I’m really sick of this intermittent fasting trend, but I’m locked into it now. Although I’ve been sharing on social media about how fabulous it feels to clean my body through discipline and diet, I honestly hate it. My followers are eating it up and that means I’m getting more sponsorships than ever. I just want to go back to eating three meals a day. I miss breakfast!
Sometimes it’s just so hard. I was doing a psychic reading for a mechanic named Chad the other day when he pulled out a freshly baked pastry and started eating it. I wasn’t due to eat for another seventy-seven hours or something stupid like that, so I had to watch him chow down on this delicious food while I was working. I quickly told him that he would have to complete log book servicing near Mitcham if he wanted to meet the love of his life and then got him to leave. I can’t take it anymore, especially when there are pastries involved. You know how I’m a sucker for those! They really should call me Miranda the Pastry Lover instead of Miranda the Psychic.
And yes, I know I can just eat a pie or sausage roll for dinner, given that intermittent fasting is all about eating normally after a long fast, but I want pastry now. I’m so hungry and I don’t think I can take it anymore. I’m basically a public figure, though. If I get caught breaking my fast I’ll lose all my deals and I need the money so I can have more nice things.
Wait, I’ve got it. My next customer will get a psychic reading which suggests she should drive to get a brake replacement service. Ringwood will be the suburb of choice. On the way I’ll suggest that she needs to go to my favourite bakery and buy me a pastie or two. Only then will she be rich beyond her wildest dreams. That way I don’t have to buy the food, which means nobody will know about how I breached my contracts! It’s perfect!